Bring Your Loaves and Fishes
What you have to give is more than enough
Our oldest son only weighed 6 lbs and 12 oz when he was born, but holding him in my arms for the first time, I felt the weight of my call as his mother. Nurturing him, caring for his soul, and making sure he felt loved his whole life was now a mission imprinted on my heart and one that felt daunting. I knew that whatever God led me to, He would lead me through, but I was scared. That's common when we feel a call to do anything that feels bigger than us. That fear, however big or small that mission might be, can keep us from acting because, after all, who am I?
After the New Year, I kept feeling sorry for myself because I wanted to participate in a Bible study, but our weeknights were packed already, and my parish didn't offer one that worked with my schedule. I kept hearing this little voice in my heart say: ‘You should do it! Lead a Bible study for Lent.’ And I kept ignoring it. “ME, LORD?! I am exhausted. I cannot possibly...When would I even do it?”
But the idea would not stop nagging at me. So I did what I always do: I brought it to my husband, sure that he would say, “I love you and this idea, but now is just too busy.”
He did not say that; instead, he said, “Ok, let's pray about that.” Which I knew would lead me to do the thing. Eventually, I found myself in our Pastor’s office, convinced that with Lent only a month away, he would say no. I was sure our parish would be too busy with missions, retreats, and the like to have any space, so I figured I’d bring it to Father; he’ll say no, and then I can put this behind me!
Father LOVED the idea.
Every door was opening. A friend designed a beautiful graphic to advertise it. I found the book, and the parish had our hall available for the time I chose. No one signed up the first week, and I started to second-guess the whole thing. Maybe I did this out of ego? Maybe I was wasting the parish's time and money?! I was spiraling.
By the first Saturday of Lent, I had 30 women signed up. And honestly, it was the BEST part of my Lent. I met INCREDIBLE women, and God's grace is palpable. Sure, Saturday mornings started very early for me, and getting the room set up each week took forethought, but it was a small price to pay for the blessings coming from this group.
I am sure I'm not the only one who has struggled with a call and felt like, “I only have this little basket of gifts; what the heck are you going to do with that, Lord? Pick so and so; she REALLY has the gifts for this.” We all do this. We sometimes look at what we have and think it's not enough. I know this has been true with anything I felt called to, like marriage, parenting, homeschooling, or ministry.
The beauty of being called to something is that God only asks for our loaves and fishes and assures us He will make up for what we lack. This “not enough” mentality is common, especially for people who think we have too many children. After watching me corral the children at the aquarium, a lady once told me, “I'm glad I never had kids.” I paused momentarily, unsure of how nicely I wanted to respond, and after going through all the possible snarky responses, I replied, “Oh, I love having all my children. They are such a blessing.” She immediately started to backtrack as I walked away with my rowdy brood to the next exhibit. Like this lady, some people think that having children means too much work (and they’re right about that part) and not enough–not enough time, not enough money, not enough love.
If you have more than one child, you know this is a terrible misconception. There is a saying: “Every child is born with a loaf of bread under their arm.” I have found this to be ABSOLUTELY true. God's providence is always so evident when we answer His call. We can often look at a call and feel it is inconvenient or impossible for us to accomplish. I take comfort in knowing that if God calls us, even though He requires us to give all that we have, He also lavishes us with the grace that we need. Do all my kids get my attention equally? No. Do I fail as a parent? Only every day. But I'm not supposed to be everything for my children or anyone. I can only be me, flaws and all, and pray that God provides for them in whatever ways I am unable to.
And shockingly enough, it always works out.
Lent was extremely fruitful for me. Leading this beautiful group of women inspired me to be a better wife and mother each day. I felt energized and encouraged every time we met, not because I'm a great leader or because I have all the answers, but because I'm giving all I can to answer God's call on my life, which is more than enough.
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Talk to me
Have you ever felt called to something you thought you couldn’t do? If so, did you do it?
Why do you think some people feel the need to tell moms with many children that “we have our hands full” like we don’t already know?
Have you volunteered at your parish?
Thank you so much for this! Every word of this rings so true, especially the self-doubt about our own gifts and the discernment between a call and ego.
1. I’m struggling to think of a specific time because it seems that every time I’m convinced I can’t do something I know I’m called to, God steps in and somehow it happens!
2. PET PEEVE. I think sometimes people see the chaos and want to say something encouraging but don’t really know how to verbalize it well. Sometimes our culture as a whole can have a very negative view toward unpredictability and chaos, which are part and parcel of life in a large family (or is that just my family? 😅). But as I become better at rolling with the punches, life is so much more fruitful and joyful with each little person in our family!
3. Yes, and it has brought so much joy to our family! We attend a small parish and run the middle and high school youth group. Our kids attend with us each week, and they adore the “big kids” (and vice versa)! It’s crazy and loud, but somehow it works!
I think the “hands full” is translated based on who and what the situation is. There are times to me when it sounds like the situation you described. Saying, “wow, you really made your own bed with that many kids. Good luck with that. I would never do that.” But then there are people who use it empathetically and encouragingly, “you got your hands full but are doing great!” And then there are in the middle who just say it because that is just the most common cultural thing to say.
A guy made a comment that I was giving my baby “whiplash!” I had a toddler in one arm and then was lugging the baby in the car seat across church the parking lot back to the car. Just doing my best with my injured hip and back. It was making a swaying motion, so yes, the baby’s head was rocking back and forth in the car seat. But, The car seat is designed for high impact crashes!!! He said that and then just walked right by me and skipped his way into church before I could even process the insult. So it was the trifecta of the “hands full comment.” So it was basically “I see you’re struggling, you are also injuring your child, glad that is not me, but I won’t help, because I need to go to church.”