Sibling Revelry
Musings on a cheerful childhood
Hi friends! I took a very long break so I could savor the season. I am still figuring out where Substack and writing, in general, fit into my very full life. Please be patient as I muddle through. I wanted to share this idea of observing our children experience joy with one another with you all because I found myself pondering this a lot over the past several weeks. Something about the holidays makes me extra sentimental and weepy. Maybe it's the warm nostalgia that beats in my heart when we watch A Muppet Christmas Carol or the plentiful warm beverages; I'm not sure. Whatever the reason, I am back and excited to read all of your beautiful work! Happy New Year!
One of my favorite things about being a mother is watching the relationships between my children unfold. I get a front-row seat to the unbridled joy that they often share with one another. I did not see it when we had four kids under five years. I missed a lot of joy because I was changing multiple children's diapers, cleaning bottle after bottle, and folding so many clothes. I did not see how they would all become thick as thieves. I could only see how difficult it was to keep the house tidy.
Our oldest is quickly approaching his 8th birthday, and I find myself watching him with his siblings and, in turn, watching all the children interact more often. Their personalities are so different, each unique and very funny in their own way. I found myself trying to observe them more this holiday season and trying so hard to approach parenting like the Dutch do. They have more of a hands-off approach and remain serene; their homes are tidy and have a predictable routine. I did not do well. I struggled with the serene part because if left to their own devices, they throw sticky toys on our ceiling that are impossible to remove or take chunks out of our drywall. But alas, this isn't about my many, many, MANY shortcomings; the point is I was able to catch them merrymaking. And it was glorious.
Seeing our 6-year-old attack our 2-year-old as the Kissy Monster was absolutely precious. In case you don't have one of these in your home, a Kissy Monster is a family member who attacks another family member with a million kisses as the recipient squeals in delight. My husband started this game with our oldest, which remains strong in our home.
Watching my only daughter arrange and rearrange every ornament on our Christmas tree to make it the perfect tree was just as delightful. Witnessing our oldest son blossom has been the most bittersweet aspect of this time. He is so funny and sweet, but I see the little boy in him shrink every day and the young man grow. He is so clearly the leader of the brood. I often catch him chastising the others when they break the rules or Nativity sets, but he is also the first to rally the troops for a good old-fashioned adventure in the backyard. They would follow him anywhere.
And every day, when I hear them giggling, building forts, or arguing about who did what wrong, I can see how deeply they are bonded. How joyful their existence is enhanced by the others. And it helps me to let go of the anger that can come with messes and chaos. I can see they desire to live their days in revelry, and we are working so hard to build a home where they feel safe to do just that.
Sometimes, I'm jealous. I wish I had a childhood with so many siblings close to my age to play with. I wish I could experience my childhood the way they are living theirs. Not because I'm a great mom but because they have something so unique and sacred in one another. As their mother, I will never be allowed into that space, and that's ok. That space isn't for me. But it still looks pretty magical from the outside.
I feel out of my depth as a parent at least once a day, every day. I'm not even close to the type of mom I want to be. But each day, I'm striving a little more to be better and apologize when I mess up–which is often, and I can start to think that I am ruining their lives with my wounds and defects. Then I hear them giggling wildly outside on the swing and singing silly songs together, and I think: “ok...maybe I'm not so bad.”
Tag, you’re it
Have you caught your children in merrymaking? Tell me about it
Do you have fond memories of your sibling relationships?
How do you keep the mess at your house under control?
This is wonderful, thank you for sharing this Diana!
I do have fond memories of my siblings. Here's a favorite for each. Since i'm checking the "Share as a note" button this will count as Deep Scoot Lore.
I am the middle son between two sisters. My younger sister likes to say she "pre-haunted" me before she was born. My favorite anecdote from our childhood, which very well describes our relationship, that my older sister had painted a rock to look like a radio for me, and I loved the durn thing. I carried it around and I would pretend to listen to music. My younger sister was jealous so yelled at me to "turn the volume down". It being a painted rock, and me being unable to comply, didn't know what to do so I just started crying.
My older sister and I are I think what some might consider "irish twins", only 18 months apart, so we were very close as yoots. When Comet Hale-Bopp visited in '95, my sister tracked it's progress across the sky using tape on the window of our house, and I remember joining her for the ceremony whenever she did it. My love of space was strong even back then, and it's something I know my sister and I shared.
Fun memories! Thank you for the invitation to reminisce!
I have two younger brothers--one two years younger and one twelve years younger--so growing up, it was always just two of us, and boy, we were best friends. One of the hardest parts about going to college was not getting to see him as often, and when he followed me a couple years later, it was such a joy to be able to grab lunch on campus on a weekly basis.
Now, as our "baby" brother is halfway through his teenage years (what), and I live around the corner from him and my parents, it's been so fun to get to know him and spend that time with him more often. He proudly claims his title as my girls' favorite uncle, and (funny or not, depending on the day) is teaching our 2yo to bribe people to give her what she wants by saying, "I love Mamoo best!" (or, I love Mommy best, etc etc).